Photo by Chona Kasinger for WS

El-P Shares an Excerpt of His Amazing Steven Seagal Fan Fiction

Dan Reilly

By Dan Reilly

on 12.05.14 in News

Aside from being excellent rappers and astute commentators on society, El-P and Killer Mike are among the funniest musicians out there. In a surprisingly in-depth interview with The A.V. Club, the Run the Jewels duo discuss their appreciation of none other than martial arts expert, blues enthusiast, and part-time cop Steven Seagal, whom El loves because “he’s completely batshit, fucking insane.” Mike isn’t really a fan but, over the course of the discussion, comes to understand his appeal.

El-P’s obsession with Seagal is boundless – he owns the actor’s albums and two cans of his energy drink, and once wrote fan fiction about a minor character in the 1991 movie Out for Justice. For the unfamiliar, the character, Sticks, is a henchman who specializes in fighting with pool cues, but ultimately gets his ass whooped by Seagal’s character, Detective Gino Felino. El-P imagined what Sticks’ post-battle life was like and wrote a story about it. After admitting that in the interview, he then shared an excerpt on his Tumblr.

A desperate, sad cough rings out from the floor. Stix lies on his back in a pool of teeth and blood.


Rehab was an intense thirteen-month program and there were times in which he almost cracked under the strain. I visited him, once, right after he was admitted. He was asleep. The clicking and whirring of machines filled the room.

El really has a lot of thoughts on the matter. “You only see him for a little while, that’s the thing that fascinated me, is that, like, here you have this sort of tertiary character who gets the shit beat out of him, and then you leave, and I just thought, well, Steven Seagal walks in and just causes tragedy. He just destroys people’s lives, and then he walks away. I thought it would be interesting to look at it from Sticks’ perspective. It’s a new genre that I’m starting, fan fiction of incidental action-movie characters.”

More of this, please.